Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
