I got chris browned last night
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
