He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize