just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
This is classic penis vs brain.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
