I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize