I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
