this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
