i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
