farters have to be the big spoon...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
