I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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