Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
