K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
