so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
