I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
