There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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