i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize