Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
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