I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize