So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize