just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I think my fart just growled at me.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
