i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
