Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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