best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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