Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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