I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
