New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
