Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
