Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
