were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
