I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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