I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
