yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
