SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Randomize