Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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