Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
