There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
