Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I fill condoms, not promises.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
