NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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