That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
