but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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