i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
did i walk over a car last night?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
