Do you still have your period?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
