I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
