you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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