i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
