We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
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