Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
