Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
