i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
