We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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