alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
