Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize