You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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