OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You can't motorboat a personality
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
