So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize
