Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
