Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I think people are normalizing furries
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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