I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
