Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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