I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
